On the 12th Of November I spoke about depression to my twitter and I received some recognition.
This is what was said….
“Since the age of 12 i’ve been on antidepressants. In and out of hospitals because my mental health wasn’t took seriously. Today i am 14 months clean of self harm and any suicidal attempts. I have been guided to my path. It’s to Allah. Through happiness and sadness, It’s Allah.”
Based on this tweet I have been receiving a lot of Direct Messages and it has been very hard to reply to every one of them. Most of them asked the same questions and advice. So here is my blog dedicated to those who want to know my story and how i am and everything else.
Before i start and get into everything about myself I want every single one of you to repeat after me:
• I am beautiful
• I am important
• I am enough
• I am worthy
Remember these 4 statements, chant them if you need to.
All i require is for you to remember your worth and for you to be happy within yourself. Love yourself and remember there is always a way out, regardless of how far deep you are. People love you, if you don’t have family you have friends, if you don’t have friends you have significant others. Do not listen to your thoughts. Do not make the mistakes i did. If you are in need of help, ask for it. Speak to your Doctor/GP they will help you and point you in the correct direction. If it’s not as severe let your loved ones know so they can take care.
Here are some websites which may help you when you feel extremely low or upset.
Childline, you may think this is for quite of a young audience but actually they offer to the age for 19.
They offer 24 hour service for all young adults. You also can check their website for any information or help.
Phone: 0800 1111 (you will not be charged, it is a free phone)
Kooth is a provider is for all ages! They are a online provider for help or advice, alongside of counselling. Kooth is also a free instant messaging through the internet from 12pm till 10pm on weekdays and 6pm till 10pm on weekends.
The mix is an free information and support for under 25’s in the UK. It includes a 1-2-1 chat, which is online counselling and also a crisis messenger for those in need.
Phone: 0808 808 4994
The Samaritans is another service that are ready to listen to you, however this is not online this is via phone. They are also open 24/7, 7 days a week and 365 days a year!!
Phone: 01484 116 123
For information on anxiety or depression or suicidal thoughts:
Now this is everything you have all been waiting on, i will be listing the questions with answers I HOPE THIS HELPS!
• What antidepressants did i take/been prescribed to?
I was prescribed to both of these starting with lower doses to higher. None of them helped me. They actually worsened me. I became quite suicidal and it was normalised whilst i was on these prescribed pills. My doctor did mention this would happen but the first time I couldn’t take it. It made me do things i would never imagine. I was living a nightmare. My doctor advised me to keep taking them and that they will eventually help after 4/6 weeks, I could not do that at all due to my automatic negative thinking. I then decided to come off them MYSELF. On several different occasions I tried them again, over 5 times i tried. I never felt a positive impact or change, so i stopped.
• How old was i when i first started antidepressants?
– I first started at the age of 12.
• How did i get through this?
– Please remember that nothing happens overnight, I didn’t wake up one morning and stop self harming or stop thinking negatively. It took me several counselling sessions and therapy to realise where i went wrong. I realised I am better. As much as I liked to see myself hurt, I knew it was wrong. The first thing you have to do is acknowledge. You need to come to terms with what is right and wrong for YOU. I came to terms and realised that I was ruining myself. It took me multiple relapses to become 14 months clean. I’ve had many breakdowns, continuously had my suicidal or self harm thoughts.
BUT I FOUGHT THROUGH IT.
I did it.
I picked myself up because nobody else can or will! I love myself in ways I never could before. Everything I hated, is now what I love. I made myself believe it. Now I do. I faked it till I made it. That’s all. And now? I’m nearly there! I’m doing great.
Self esteem and self love is also a topic not spoken about, you all need to focus on yourself. You don’t need to find things or look for things, because deep down everything is in front of you. You need to better yourself, reach higher than you already can. You need to love yourself. You need to take care of yourself.
Only you, only you can mend yourself.
No matter how many times you go therapy or counselling or however many times you listen to someone. You need to find yourself. You need to fix yourself. Nobody. Absolutely nobody can do that.
• How did I overcome my thoughts?
– Yes i was in a really bad place but never once did I say that my thoughts have changed and I have a positive mindset.
I still go through everything, my thought process is still as negative as it can get. I just have a different mentality.
I learned that not everything is my fault and everything that happens around me isn’t my problem or my mistake. Since I stopped beating myself up mentally it helped a lot!
I am no longer listening to my thoughts besides when I become extremely sad and upset but sometimes I need that bump in my journey to remember where I came from. I promise you it all takes time. I breakdown so often that it’s normal. Sometimes I need to cry or I need to let it okay but that sometimes is normal! It is okay to vent. Do you understand?
• Where did I get the motivation from to be where I am today?
– I got this motivation from myself. I learnt that everything in life will be hard. I held onto my faith, I’m trying my best with prayers and etc. However the motivation was all from myself and deep down I have goals, ambitions and aspirations. I want a future, I knew that. So now I’m focusing on building that. I started creating dates in the future where I’d look forward to (for a day out with the family or meeting someone or family occasions or religious events) when I was distracting myself from the present and looking over to the future it helped me massively and I definitely recommend doing so!!! Plan events or days in the future that you will look forward to.
• How do I cope with sadness?
– The way I cope with sadness is by distracting myself. When I gain the random sad waves (sad boi hours) I tend to distract myself eg. Showering, cleaning, keeping company, music, podcasts, researching, coursework/assignments etc. I just keep myself busy and it helps unless if my sadness is really bad in that moment I will have to let it out by crying or sleeping.
I hope this helps at least one of yous or your loved ones.
Please remember to share this to who may benefit from reading this.
Remember that life is a test. Regardless of where you are or how long this has been on for, focus on yourself. Let go of your surroundings or unnecessary friends.
Be better, do better, become better.
If you have come this far, thank you.
Leave a comment if there’s anything I should know and a like :)))))